I’m a huge fanboi of Joe Johnston. He’s the mastermind behind Liberty Market, Joe’s Real BBQ and other iconic eateries past and present in the Phoenix area. And he’s a super nice guy.
But this time, he’s gone to far. And I’m registering a formal protest.
But back to my protest. I’m protesting this on the following grounds:
Exhibit A: Liberty Market is too far from my house to drive there every day.
See how far away Liberty Market is from my house?
Putting the pressure on me to drive that far each and every day during the month of August to enjoy each tasty burger is simply too much to ask. It goes well beyond reasonable and customary practices and borders on cruel and unusual punishment.
Exhibit 2: Like I need to add any more mass.
Weighting Game or Why My Ass Doesn't Need To Get Bigger
I’m over two decades out of high school and am not proud of the fact that I’ve gained an average of 2 lbs. every year since then. Now with Joe pumping out a burger a day, I fully expect my mass to increase exponentially. Which means I’ll weigh 896.4 lbs by September. Good thing I can’t wear white after Labor Day.
Exhibit III: What am I made of money?
So there’s the burger, the obligatory beer, maybe a coffee and most likely one of those GIANT cinnamon rolls… Now multiply that by 30 and you get just under the Gross National Product of Tuvalu. Dammit, Joe! I’ve got a kid in college and wife with expensive hobbies, man! One of them will have to be sold off to slavery for me to afford this!
So join me in protesting Liberty Market and their insidious “Burger Daze” next month. I figure the best place to protest is on-site. We’ll get our message across that way better. And I hear they have some real tasty burgers in case we get hungry carrying those signs.
“When you’re dealing with the Universe, ignorance can be deadly.”
One of the baddest quotes from the Bad Astronomer himself, my Dr. Phil Plait. He’s been playing all super seekrit with everyone for the last few months, as he jets all over the place filming and shooting his new project. And today, we found out what that super seekrit project is. I give you a sneak peek of a new Discovery Channel series, Phil Plait’s Bad Universe!
I’ve watched it at least a half dozen times already. Partly because it looks so stinkin’ cool. And partly because I can say, yes, that man is a friend of mine. He has the hots for my wife, and I have his cell phone number. How the hell do I deserve such cool friends? I don’t know. But I’ll take it.
Congrats on the pending release, Phil. Know you’ve got a dedicated household hoping you’ll show us how to save us from a universe that obviously wants us DEAD!
And if you haven’t picked up a copy of Death from the Skies!: The Science Behind the End of the World by Phil, I highly recommend you do. I wouldn’t call it an uplifting read, but it’s fascinating none the less. And you can hear Phil read from the book on on the track by the same name on George Hrab’s latest album, Trebuchet. (Another person who I’m just giddy to know calls me a friend!)
I don’t play Rock Band. I’m convinced of an inverse proportional relationship to your skill as musician with the real world analog of the Rock Band “instruments” and how well your performance is measured by your ability to strike or “strum” the shitty pieces of plastic required in said game.
But get a few beers and shots of Knob Creek in me, and that theory can go screw itself. Sort of. I still won’t pick up the “instruments”, but I will sing.
The Skepchics are auctioning off the Xbox, having first acquired the signatures of such luminaries from the party like… me! Oh, and I suppose a few more. Like these fine folks and close, personal friends of mine (to steal from Phil), in no particular order since I’m not first:
And your money just isn’t going to support the drunken abandoness of skeptics in Vegas. At least not all of your money. This is part of the Skepchicks “virtual bake sale“, which according to Rebecca Watson, will…
… raise the money to get me to ATL! We’ll auction a few items so that you get cool stuff while I get to attend Dragon*Con, do some outreach, and host Maria’s Star Party (a big success last year raising money for the American Cancer Society in honor of Jeff Medkeff, who once named an asteroid after me).
We’ll be using the eBayz to auction off several items through the Women Thinking Free Foundation, which was set up by Skepchick Elyse to do awesome things in Chicago like fighting anti-vaccination misinformation. Your winning bid will go toward a plane ticket and hotel room for me, and if we happen to raise more than we need then the rest will go to the WTFF.
So get a piece of history. With me on it. And good luck getting what you play to match what’s on screen to howthe song actually should be played on a real instrument. Or just set it on your coffee table and use it as a conversation piece.
This is my mom, Vickie. Today she passed a milestone that I’ll never make: she retired from her job with the state of Oklahoma after 387 years*. With budget cuts looming and just a few years short of her initially planned date, they offered her an out. Which she took. Smart cookie. She takes after her only and most favorite son. He’s the devastatingly handsome little boy wondering how the hell her eyelashes got so gigantic.
Vickie teaches aerobics to my highschool class
So while this is by all auspices a congratulatory post, it’s also a chance for me to post a bunch of photos of Mom. (Click any to open full-size.) Hey, she mugs for the camera as much as her son. So the first thing you’ll notices is that Mom is smoking hot. The first question you’ll have is “did she have you when she was eight?” No, she did not have me when she was eight. She had me when she was 20. So if you know how old I am (hint: it’s on Wikipedia), you’ll know how old Mom is. Never tell a ladies age. But I can’t stop you from knowing math. Nor could I stop her from teaching aerobics during my junior year in highschool to all of my friends. Yes. I assure you it was just as much as a treat as you are imagining. But I grew a pretty thick skin as a Lamarckian response.
Vickie as The Village Person
Mom still gets mistaken for for being decades younger than she is. Just a month ago, the lady at the local convenience store referred to her as “my wife”. That doesn’t mean I look old. No, gods dammit it does not! It means Mom does and always has looked much younger than she really is. And she acts that way too. I recall when she was in her late 30’s — I was in high school — and she got carded. Carded! She was so grateful, she leaned across and hugged the attendant. And then showed her ID. She was with a friend some 10 years younger than her. Who did not get carded. Hi-larity ensued. Here she is at Halloween in the 70s. She’s on the right, you idiot.
Vickie and NJ
She’s also the best grandmother you could ask for. I can’t speak from personal experience. Instead, I come from this knowledge vicariously through my son. I can’t think of a major milestone she wasn’t here for — and that’s living about 1,000 miles away from him since he as 4 months old. Talk about dedication. Oh, and he has her good looks too. Not in this picture. This is when he was incredibly fat. He grew into it.
Vickie and a pig
So here’s to you, Mom. Congrats on sticking with the same boring, dull and mind-numbing job with the State. Enjoy south Texas or wherever the hell it is you wind up. Or flitter around. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do when you retire? I’m looking forward to having you and your band of four loonie girlfriends out here in August. I just hope Phoenix is ready for you and yours. I’ll end with a pic of you and a pig. With no explanation. They can just wonder.
In November 2004, I seriously considered getting into politics. Luckily the voice of reason — my wife — spoke up, with the true fact that I’ve not lived nearly a clean enough life. It’s not that I have a lot of skeletons in my closet. No, I have an entire basement full of them. I’d [...]
It’s hot. And to combat the heat, I’ve created the Perfect Cuban Mojito. No, it doesn’t use white rum. It doesn’t use piles of sugar. And no, you probably won’t like it. But if you like drinks the way I like drinks, please enjoy.
Evo’s Perfect Cuban Mojito
Dark rum, probably by some distiller you’ve never heard [...]
I’m very close to being done with Sprint. I’ve been here before over the last 10+ years and it always boils down to the same thing: Sprint’s customer service is terrible. So if you’ll indulge me (and this is my blog, so you have to indulge me,) I’d like to share my story from today.
I [...]
I’m fortunate to have lots of friends with talent. Talents come in many shapes and forms, but it seems a large number of mine are talented in artistic ways. I’m not without skills in this area. I’m just without the drive necessary to hone many of those.
Take video editing. I did some very VERY [...]
For months, I’ve been walking around, singing songs aloud that no one has ever heard of. That’s not all that unusual, as my musical tastes plunder the eclectic. But recently, there’s been an air of exclusivity to my music of choice. I was fortunate enough to get a copy of George Hrab’s Trebuchet before it [...]
In about 18 hours, I’m going to do my level best to piss off a good chunk of those who consider themselves part of the creative class. I’d apologize in advance, but what I have to say needs to be said. For you are not as fantastic as you think. And those who keep telling [...]
I’m having a blast in San Francisco. Sheila spent a long weekend with me, and now I’m attending ad:tech. Guess which part I like more?
And while I’m here, I’ve been continuing my “Give Evo an EVO” movement. Thus far, I’ve posted 27 videos of me pining for the new HTC EVO [...]
Clearly, I am an enigma. Offer me a quality craftbrew beer and I can wax poetically about a host of subtle nuances that are completely undetectable — or unpalatable — to most consumers of beer. I can do the same (to lesser degrees) with scotch, sushi, tequila and chili rellenos.
But I have to scratch [...]
So right about the time of this posting, I should be on stage doing my thing at Ignite Phoenix #6! This is my fourth time to present to the Ignite crowd, and I’m stoked to be doing it again.
For those who can’t make it and aren’t watching the live stream, here’s my dry run [...]
Dear Sprint,
I just got off the phone with Monica. She’s a great customer service rep of yours. She informed me that I’ve been a Sprint customer since December 1, 1999. Sure, we’ve had our ups and downs, but the scales have been tipped more in to positive for most of that time.
I pay you [...]
Actually, I’m having a lot of fun over on my new blog about digital business strategies, A Simpler Way.
Now you may not care. In fact, if you’re a loyal follower of my antics over here, you probably don’t care about the new blog. And that’s OK. Just know that things may [...]
Recently I was asked to write an article about podcasting. I don’t do it very often, probably because I’ve said about all I had to say in the 2.5 books I co-authored on the subject. But this was an article about podcasting and fiction, and I haven’t wrote extensively about that. I do that extensively, [...]
I went from hating this, to not being able to get it out of my head, to loving this.
And because I continue to run into people who’ve not experience the awesomeness that is Trololo…
There’s also version for people on ludes, ecstasy, and LSD. Yes, each one is a different experience.
I love the internets.
W007! Just found out that I’ve been selected as one of the presenters at Ignite Phoenix the Sixth! I’m totally stoked!
When I wrapped up Ignite Phoenix #4, I said that had reached the end of my three-part series on Big. I sat out — as in, in the audience — for Ignite Phoenix #5 [...]
It’s been one of those months. Sorry. But though I’ve been neglecting the blog, I’ve not been neglecting fun.
Here’s a bit of stupidity that Jeff and I came up with some time ago that has finally been green-lit. Green-lighted? Green-lanterened? Anyhow, it’s all about the little-known monitization angle and history of Twitter.
You know about Podiobooks.com, right? Pushing around 80,000 episodes of close to 400 serialized free audiobooks out to thousands of listeners every single day. Some listeners opt to make a donation to a book, and the author gets 75% of that. Yeah, I’m a hell of a guy.
I use PayPal [...]
by Phil, I highly recommend you do. I wouldn’t call it an uplifting read, but it’s fascinating none the less. And you can hear Phil read from the book on on the track by the same name on George Hrab’s latest album, 
